When Happiness Feels Like a Debt to Pay
As if we must earn the right to feel at peace…
There’s something strange that happens when we experience joy, a feeling that’s both sweet and heavy at the same time. We might feel a flicker of happiness, but then this thought creeps in: “wait, do I even deserve this?”
It’s as if our joy comes with an asterisk — like we have to justify it, or even worse, pay some kind of a debt to even freely feel it.
Why does it sometimes feel like we have to earn our happiness? Why does something as natural as peace feel like it has to be bought with effort, or brought on by sacrifice, or by meeting some unattainable standard? This isn’t just about struggling with the big, obvious things in life either — it’s the small moments too. The day off when you really want (need) to rest or the time you take for yourself when you feel like you should be doing something else, just for some relatable examples. It all comes with this undercurrent of incredible guilt.
We’ve all experienced this in one form or another. The hit of joy we feel might be followed by a sense of shame. Or maybe it’s because you’re acutely aware of everything that’s not going right in your life or within the world, and feeling happy in the middle of it just feels wrong — like it’s taking away from someone else’s suffering, or worse — that you don’t care.
But here’s something thing I come to learn the hard way: Happiness is not a debt.
The belief that we must “earn” our joy or our peace, is a trap. It keeps us locked in a cycle where we keep postponing our ability to feel good, waiting for the “right” conditions, or the “right” moment, or the “right” action. The truth is, joy and peace don’t come with strings attached. You don’t have to work for them like you’re clocking in hours at a job. They are part of your birthright.
The more we believe that happiness is something we have to justify, the harder it becomes to actually embrace it. The guilt and self-judgment only push it further away. But when you actaully allow yourself to thoroughly sink into your joy (without needing to explain it, apologize for it, or feel guilty about it), you open the door to so much more of it.
It’s okay to experience peace in the middle of chaos. It’s okay to find joy even when everything isn’t perfect. Life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to feel at ease.
You are allowed to feel good about your life, just because you’re alive, full stop. It doesn’t matter what has or hasn’t been done. Your happiness is not a trade-off, and it doesn’t require an explanation.
So the next time you feel that sense of guilt creeping in when you experience joy, stop and remind yourself: You are allowed to feel good.
There is no debt to pay. There is no invisible standard you must meet. You deserve happiness, pleasures big and small — just because you exist, and just because it’s your turn to feel good, right now.
x, Cassandra